diana (me) -- this website's owner/operator; 15/f


patsy -- poet and dreamer; 16/f


meredith -- humorist and saint; 16/f


him -- hunter and listener; 16/m


'fred' -- counselor and taxi; 17/m




23:05;   Today, I made a sign:
Christmas spirit is missing!
Last seen: December 25, 1999

I then proceeded to tape my creation to a lightpost outside. Damn, I'm creative. (The reason for doing this is because I realized that when I get older, the idea of Christmas and all of it's cheer and surprise dies down. I guess it has to do with puberty.)

15:15;   hold me down / i am floating away / into the overcast skies / over my home town / on election day / what is it about birmingham? / what is it about buffalo? / did the hate filled wanna build bunkers / in your beautiful red earth / they want to build them / in our shiny white snow / now i've drawn closed the curtain / in this little booth where the truth has no place / to stand / and i am feeling oh so powerless / in this stupid booth with this useless / little lever in my hand / and outside my city is bracing / for the next killing thing / standing by the bridge and praying / for the next / doctor / martin / luther / king / it was just one shot / through the kitchen window / it was just two miles from here / if you fly like a crow / a bullet came to visit a doctor / in his one safe place / a bullet ensuring the right to life / whizzed past his kid and his wife / and knocked his glasses / right off of his face / and the blood poured off the pulpit / yeah the blood poured down the picket lines / yeah, the hatred was immediate / and the vengence was divine / so they went and stuffed god / down the barrel of a gun / and after him / they stuffed his only son / hello birmingham / it's buffalo / i heard you had some trouble / down there again / and i'm just calling to let to know / that someone understands / i was once escorted / through the doors of a clinic / by a man in a bulletproof vest / and no bombs went off that day / so i am still here to say / birmingham / i'm wishing you all of my best / oh birmingham / i'm wishing you all of my best / oh birmingham / i'm wishing you all of my best / on this election day
Ani DiFranco, "Hello Birmingham"

11:21;   NSYNC Fan Harrassed By Timberlake -- Supposedly, after the 15 year old fan was snubbed by Justin Timberlake, she screamed from the crowd that she like other bandmember JC Chasez more. She was escorted upstairs and allegedly harrassed by Justin for the comment that she made. Kind of reminds me of another pop star's bad temper.

09:18;   If I could create my own religion, they wouldn't believe in December 23. They probably wouldn't celebrate Christmas or New Years, either, for sake of sanity. People around Christmas tend to get tense. Everyone's trying not to stuff their socks into someone's throat. Believe me, I've seen these crazy sides of people during the holidays. This angst mood ranges from 80-year-old women arguing over a scooter to even my best of friends claiming to be an "intruder" on other people's friendships -- which is far from the truth. Perhaps after Christmas is over, things will change.
I know I'm wrong. There's always the idea of New Year's Eve coming through and stabbing somebody. My intentional plans were to stay home alone and just watch the melting Dick Clark talk about the year's events. But then I was invited to a party. "Fred's" party. A party where lots of people will be and that it'll be a fun event and He will be there and then I'll be able to give him a peck on the cheek as the bell tolls midnight. But, you know, what's the point? I told him that my intentional plans were to stay home and do what I do practically every year since I emerged from the womb: nothing. He had no real reaction at first, and He told me to just "do what you got to do, Diana". In other words, He wants me at the party and He wants to do the obligatory kiss-on-the-cheek thing at midnight. Understandable. I'll think of an idea for my life.
So, I don't know what to do with myself now. I mean, about New Years. I already know what's going on today. Mostly. It's not "top secret", but if the things change for it all, then it'd be stupid to have to alter a journal entry to signify the correct outcome. You know how it goes.


21:56;   The stars look like freckles from the backseat of a car. I sat there and watched the star's motionless actions until I had begun to doze off into a three hour slumber. I was awaken as we crossed the bridge that separated Hilton Head, SC, to Savannah. I have lived an entire fourteen hours in the backseat of a Ford Taurus.
My father and I have spotted over twelve crosses along the side of the road. Perhaps the eeriest was a family of four's little white crosses. The "game" was considered void along the way back. Guess that's how things go.

17:30;   Hello everyone. I know that I start almost every entry that I write with "Hello everyone," so you'll know it's me, Meredith. Actually, I don't know if that is true so screw that idea. Did anyone watch The Daily Show last night? (12/21/00). It was frickin' HILARIOUS! And as Diana put it, "Gillian Anderson's interview on TDS was one of the best I've seen in awhile." Yep, it was funny. Hope that if any - hold up. bug crawling on my knee. - one missed it last night that they have a buddy somewhere in town that taped it so that they could watch it in all its glory over and over and over again until they vomit in their own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? I dunno. You tell me, Stephen.I think that this would be a glorious time to bring up the fact that I love... rootbeer. Other people who know me would have probably been writhing with anticipation wondering if I was going to put what they thought that I was initially going to put but that in the end I didn't really put which cut their anticipation short. I also love run-on sentences. I just thought up a new word - "runion." I have no clue at this point what the definition is or for that matter what the definition could be. No, it will have nothing to do with onions so don't even think that you crazy fools! Not that I'm saying any of you are fools, that just felt like (to me) the appropriate thing to say at that particular moment in time which just happened to be that moment in which I felt like saying that. Man, run-ons are a kicker. A nad kicker. Nadtastical, even. Input: ass tapper/patter/whacker. Whichever you feel like adding on as a suffix, go ahead. I'm not gonna stop you. ::cough:: I can feel the temperature risin'! OH YES! Patsy says "tata." I'm not really sure if that is supposed to mean "goodbye," which would be the most logical and cool explanation, or if what she really meant to say was something about some sort of human anatomy. I'll get back to you on that totally whacked out story sometime later. Now I am really saying bye bye, so to you and your kinsmen, goodnight. - Meredith and Patsy "da-bomb-diggity" NOOOOOOVAAAAAAAAAAAA!

05:39;   It's been twenty hours since I have gotten sleep. Someone needs to congratulate me for surviving it all this far. To be thoroughly honest, I never stayed up the entire night alone. (Well, if you want to count my suddenly-lovable cat as company, then I wasn't entirely alone.)
And what did I learn from all of this? I learned most of the plot behind The Family Man through repeated showings of commercials. I've seen enough of Britney ("Stronger" was viewed for the first time), Christina, Madonna (Her side-steppin' moves in "Don't Tell Me" had me going twice tonight), and "J. Lo". I've seen the same damn updates on VH1's news again and again -- they don't tend to change too often.
Now, feel free to ask me why I did this. (Diana, why in the fuck did you stay up for twenty hours and face this disasterous musical selection?) Well, it's a mighty good question. Now, follow me on this one: I am in the car with my father for a minimum of 14 hours. We will be playing with the Trivia Persuit Christmas Edition cards. We will be bonding. And, for the second half of this journey, my older brother will be accompaning us. More family time. I'd rather skip out on the second half, thank you very much. So I am - in short - making myself so damn tired that I'll have to fall asleep.
Don't get me wrong, I love travelling on the road. I love the food that you stop and get at places called Bucky's Food N Go. I love seeing the signs that lead to places like South of the Border. (That place is the biggest tourist trap I've ever seen. The best thing about it is the signs -- they have things like sheep that are moving and crushed VWs. Clever people working there.) I love everything about the road but the bonding and the cramped feeling that you get from it all.
Oh Christ I should not be typing so damn early.


21:13;   So, my father and I got our rental car for tomorrow. It's an "ugly" (as my father put it) Ford Taurus. It's tan and it looks like something that George Jetson would be driving around in. So, we're leaving at 6:00 or 7:00 am and taking the 7-hour drive up to the little town of Atlantic Beach, North Carolina, and then we'll drive back down in the same day.
Good grief.

12:14;   Blogs that were created the same date as mine and are still updated:
What the Blog?, ZERO, frantic.org, The Hockey Diaries, Wenchlog, travelblog.net, pink-leopard.com, Jonl's blog, wellyeah.org, fluent.net, justdaz.org, pint-sized geek, and Wargasm.

11:43;   The song is called "I'm Going Home." In the movie, Tim Curry, who plays the character, cries during that song. But Patrick was smiling. And it felt just right. - The Perks of Being a Wallflower, pg 170


19:05;   We saw Vertical Limit. Good movie. It's nice to see Robin Tunney's face again -- she was always great in Empire Records.
So, my evening will be spent with family. I think that they deserve it, you know? It's Christmas. I have people visiting us -- my aunt and cousin are here for a surgery. And then my father and I are going up to North Carolina to pick up my brother on Friday. (Meredith and Patsy will probably be forced at gunpoint to post. Well, not really.)
So, to get into the Holiday Cheer ®, here's a webcam that has deer on it occassionally.

12:40;   I'm going out to lunch with Kelly, Patsy, and Meredith. Then, all of us (minus Kelly; she has to babysit) are going to see Vertical Limit at 4 pm. And afterwards, I will hopefully be spending quality time with my family. Hopefully.
That is, if I'm not dragged off with "Fred" again.

08:47;   I'm a Weblogémon! (thanks, Frieza)


18:38;   There are times in your life - as you learn - that contain good things and bad things. It is up to the person to chose whether to take their entire life as one good or one bad thing. As for me, I take most of my life as one good thing. Ever since this past summer (the best experience of my life from all perspectives -- I cannot even begin to sum it all up), I have begun to take most things in my life -- no matter how bad or how good -- in an optimistic manner. Because I made a promise to myself that I would do things that way just to make the world seem so much better.
I guess it's sort of working. I still cry, and I still grump about life -- but I still think that there's a positive end to every little problem. I'm not saying that you (whoever you are) is wrong with how you take things. You may have different tactics on how you handle life. You may listen to angst music and rip at your walls. You may cry into a pillow and never stop. Or you may be like me -- just sitting and watching the little beta fish go around in circles.
This post isn't out to get anyone's feelings out. It's not even getting my feelings out. It's just that this break has been crazy thus far and that it's sort of weird being in these atmospheres that I am in. I don't want to be around "Fred" so much anymore. Being around him for two days is hectic enough. I want it to be summer again. I want to sit under the stars between my two best friends and we'd just feel as if we're one being and one understanding. What happened to the simple days? I think we all ate the simple days for dinner as soon as high school hit.
There are three important people in my life. Patsy. She's remarkable. She's beautiful and understanding and humorous. Meredith. She's saved my life more than once. She's done things for me that cannot be topped nor recreated. Him. He's helped my self-esteem and made me realise that there are lots of things in life that I myself cannot change about myself or others. These three people matter more to me than anyone else. These three people have been there when others haven't. These three people have made me cry because they were sad. They made me laugh to tears when they were happy. These three people are my life. And I've felt that I've let them all down in one way or another. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know why. But I am destined to change the reality of this all. And things will be evened out. And then -- I promise you, Patsy and Meredith -- we will sit under those same stars and we'll all be one being and one understanding.
That took quite a bit of my heart to say.


20:29;   Metallica sues a furniture company -- The Waco, Texas, company's name is Metallika. The band is suing for copyright infridgement. The other copyrights that have occurred with the band include Victoria Secret's lip pencil named "Metallica" and a perfume with the same name as the band which was made by Guerlain. Please, let the insanity stop. (c/o 2xy.org)

18:02;   Last month, I weighed a little over 120 pounds. Currently, fully dressed, I weigh 109 pounds. Have I changed so much over a month? Is it stress or some unknown depression that no one ever reminded me that I had?

08:26;   I'm feeling really good today. I'm wearing my most worn-in pants with OR scrubs underneath. I'm also wearing my favorite gray shirt (yes, I have a favorite) and cuddly-feeling red socks with fluffy white clouds on them. I'm going to put my hair in buns today, I've decided. I'm going to have to do something with it while I wait for it to grow longer again. It's still too damn short to put into one ponytail -- but if I put it in more than one ponytails, then "Fred" will find something to say of it. Perverts.


20:11;   He was supposed to come back into town tonight so that he can get there at 9 am tomorrow and be there. Well, He's not. He's going to be late again. Of course -- who would expect more than that? And then I call up "Fred" to see if he is still coming to see me and he says now that he has other plans -- forget Diana, I suppose. I'm on the edge of crying. I am so insecure, so so so insecure. I just wish someone would realize that.

17:37;   Ladies and gentlemen, may I present... The Timeline of Ideas for Christmas Gifts. Each name will be in front, and then I will go in the order of ideas for presents as they were pre-selected.
Meredith: Mobile (one of those hanging things) --> Strobelight
Patsy: Fish --> Beatles lunchbox --> Fish
Kelly: Chiapet (my mom's idea) --> Fish --> Beatles lunchbox and shirt
Him: Jewelry --> Blacklight and Poster --> Jewelry --> Stuffed animal
"Fred": My artwork
That is all.

14:35;   Christmas hasn't really been too festive for me - yeah, we got our tree up and we're wrapping presents and we're doing fun things like cleaning the house for visitors. The house looks so beautiful after it's cleaned -- it doesn't even seem that there is an untidy pre-teenager (my younger brother) in their midst.
I'm being forced against my human will to be awaken at 9:15 am tomorrow by "Fred". He insists that we should go shopping. Together. He's two days late for that, but I'll go along for the ride. The reason he's decided to go so damn early is because his girlfriend (who, by the way, is going with us - as well as Him) decided that we all should eat an early breakfast. I have a gift for "Fred" and I have a gift for Him. For "Fred's" girlfriend, I am clueless. All I have is $11. Breakfast (depending on where we go) fluctuates from $1 - $6. And 11 - 6 = 5, which means that at the most expensive cost of breakfast, there will be $5 left. And then there's lunch. Christ.

11:35;   Ime ppellI. (c/o fairvue.com)

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