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20000722
11:01;
The brand of romance that you subscribe to is considerate and intimate. You possess a great deal of emotional intelligence. The times at which you feel most romantic include deep personal discussions with your partner. Intellectual intimacy is what it's all about for you. You're very aware of and in touch with your partner's thoughts and feelings, and you're touched when they respond to you in the same way.
I should just have His number on speed-dial. I called from the times of 8 PM til 11 PM at the hour. Each time, his grandmother laughed more and more at my paranoid voice. More and more each time, I've gotten short of breath. I eventually went to bed roughly around 3 AM, after waiting for Him to page me, as His grandmother said she would let Him do. Maybe He doesn't want to talk to me. I understand, I guess. It's just bothersome that this is happening, you know? What happened with us that caused it to go very sour? And where is He? Sigh. What a jolly 9-month anniversary this is.
As for this weekend, I'm booked. Sort of. I promised to hang out a day with Patsy -- which isn't a bad thing. Patsy, She, and I get along great no matter what combination we're in. So I'm spending Sunday with Patsy, and perhaps the night at Her house. Don't know yet. She is still out of town, so I can't really contact Her right now about it all. I see no problem in it. I don't see how there could be ANY form of problem with it, either.
As for this site. I'm (slowly) nearing 1,000 hits on this page. Slowly. It'll probably happen mid-week. It doesn't really matter, because hits are pointless to care about at times. Or countless at all. It's all a popularity contest, I guess.
My older brother has finally shown up at home. He went out all night, and now has surfaced once again. We're celebrating his birthday this evening by getting him a cake and a few gifts. Just some little stuff so he can have something to take back to NC with him tommorrow. Which is when all the phone calls will stop. Which is when He might end up calling me. I don't know. I just hope things get better as this summer closes up.
One of my pet peeves (as few of you know) is when people refer to their loving boyfriends and/or girlfriends as "my man" or "my girl". An aquaintence of mine (Let's call her "Judy" temporarily, until I can be more creative with a name) calls her boyfriend only "sexy". Never "handsome". I call Him (that is, when I see him) "beautiful" because I feel that displays more eternal and external looks on a person. "Judy" refers to her boyfriend -- who is one of the nicest people I know -- as "my totally awesome boy". This boyfriend -- "Fred" -- got a car recently. He thought it "looked pretty". He has no license. And as soon as "Judy" hears "car", she assumes, "Oh, he'll drive me around town and I'll look all pretty!" Mind you, I've had a car for the past damn year. I didn't buy it, it's a hand-me-down type of car. He has a car. She (I think) has a car somewhere. It just bothers me that "Judy" only assumes that "Fred" has a car, and that he's the only one out there. I guess. I don't know. "Judy" just bothers me sometimes with her "coolies" lingo. And to be honest, I don't see how "Fred" puts up with her sometimes.
Now that I think of it, I haven't given you - oh faithful reader - any links lately. Or, any interesting ones. So I figure, since "Judy" is in WDW right now, why not give you some info on one of my alltime favorite rides? And why not just learn one of my favorite languages? (If you consider it a language, that is.) And, eh... why not look at information on my favorite animal? Or send me e-roses? (The email address is por_ku_pyne@hotmail.com.) Let's see what else I can find here... news about Destiny's Child member splitting and the next Travis album. Or about "Big Brother" (Which I aptly avoid) getting rid of William. And how those people at CBS want to pollute America's mind with more of "Big Brother". And, one last link, dedicated to Her, is about next season's "XFiles". 20000721
19:04;
I've been stood up. Again.
OK, He was supposed to visit today - or vice versa - since we haven't seen each other in nearly a week. I call His house at 3 PM. He's not home. My mother is wanting to pick him up to get it over with. I try again at 5 PM. He is not home. I have given up trying to get in touch with him, because obviously it doesn't matter anymore to what I do to go out of my way to have Him call me. I could've gone over to Patsy's today. I could've done hundreds of things. But I sat around expecting for Him to call. You know what? Fuck it. I give up waiting for him. Tomorrow's our anniversary. Nine months is how long I've been waiting around for him to call on time and for him to show up. And for nine months, He hasn't. What kind of position does that put me in? I'm going out somewhere this weekend, maybe alone. Fuck the anniversary. I am not going to wait around again for him to call, because it never happens.
Every call that has come to this household today is for my older brother. He was one of the popular people at his school. Every damn place I go with him, it's like "Oh, hi..." We came home today from going out to eat as a family (for once -- celebrating my older brother being home, of course) and there were lots of cellphone numbers on the caller ID. I tried them all, asking who they were calling for. None were from Him, or even for me. All were for my older, more popular, more approachable brother.
I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of things not going my way all the time. Ignore me.
14:57;
I've been sitting here for the past five minutes watching Mr Mark Olynciw sleeping. Or it could be the same photo refreshed every 20 seconds. It doesn't matter. It's still something to do besides downloading some more illegal music from Napster or watching any more JoeCartoons.
I ended up going to bed around 1 AM. I was tired. My younger brother suddenly finds out that he can't sleep and is afraid of the dark and is afraid of vampires coming to kill him in the wee hours of the morning. At the time, I was on the phone with Him trying to figure out what we're doing this weekend so I can verify plans with Patsy. So there's enough stress there. My younger brother -- who is 11 years old, mind you -- cries. Loud. My parents have to work in the morning. I have Him talk to my younger brother. No use. I send my younger brother downstairs to hang out with my older brother. It is currently 11:45. I talk to Him some more, never exactly getting the plans fixed. I hang up with him and I go to clean my face in the bathroom. There sits my cat on my younger brother's bed, looking extremely sad that her sleeping buddy is nowhere to be found. So instead of cleaning my face, I go in there and sooth my cat. After that (12:15), I clean my face and go to bed with my door open. As I turn over and get comfortable, I see a figure go through the hall, scaring the hell out of me. It's my younger brother. He sees me and disappears downstairs again. I end up reading.
Oh yeah, and "I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan is a really good song. 20000720
21:39;
And hold back your tears...
I watched the sunset from the parking lot of my local WalMart. I expected Him to show up, even though He had no idea that I was at WalMart. I just expected him to drive around with his older brother in their beat-up red car and get out and hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Of course, this never happened.
I went to WalMart alone so I could just think. I followed people around areas, listened to conversations, and noticed the redundancy of the employees. This one group that I followed around -- I will call them "the teenies" -- were in the CD section, giggling and sucking on lollipops and skipping around in their skimpy shorts with their perfectly tanned legs. There were three of them. They all were blond. Two were dyed that color, originally brunettes but wanting to be different. We all want to be different. Anyway, they walked around giggling and avoiding me -- the brunette. The one wearing pants in 95º heat. The one in the "ugly" clogs. The one in the wrinkled button-up shirt. The one with the wild hair. Me. They narrowly avoided me, giggly their way around my bubble. They hung around the "M" section of the popular CD section. They also looked at the TRL movies on the racks. They also were looking at the N Sync single. I myself bought Surfacing (Sarah McLachlan) after debating over I, Bificus (Bif Naked) and From the Choirgirl Hotel (Tori Amos), but I decided I needed calmer music. I also need some candles. And a good book. And for Him to call, say that He's sorry for all the pain He has given me today, and then to surprise me with a single rose and a long, long hug that never ends. I dream. I dare to dream.
And now I supply you - oh, you gorgeous reader - with links. A few that I've found over the day that made me smile, made me think, and also - in a way - made me jealous. I guess. My older brother brought JoeCartoon.com to my attention today, and I've been hooked to watching lemmings kill themselves for part of the day. (Though some of it was offensive to me, such as the remark about the diver who hit his head and the "judge" who was homosexual and wore a purple hankerchief around his neck.) I've also found a excellent blog called slinky that I've been attached to lately. I've also been trying to catch up on fee (short for "fee-tus") lately to give me a giggle or two. I wish people would notice blogs like these more often. Especially since they are both unique in their own way, and a good read.
16:22;
The guitar beat strums in my head
But without the beat, and without the thought
I cannot play a simple song
A simple song I wish to sing
To relieve this pain that has been brought upon me
Upon me
Written by me
08:59;
He has this idea. He is doing a boating test today to see if He can pass it. He has a boat. He wants to take me on the boat over the weekend sometime and watch the sunset. Both He and I think this plan is going to fall short, especially if He ends up failing the test. Or if His mother decides that all I want is some nookie-action, she won't let Him and I go out in the waterways alone. Of course that is so like her. So I'm not holding my breath too hard for all of this to happen. Because I feel it's going to crash and burn.
My older brother came home last night. There was much rejoice in the household. Ten minutes later, he left the house to go find a party or just cruise around in his slick little black Nissan. He's downstairs sleeping, I think. He might be awake after I went down there to tell him that his work called. Don't really know. And, in a sense, I don't really care.
So here I sit. It's nearing 9 AM, and I'm eating Wheaties that taste ironically similiar to McDonald's breakfast foods. And McDonald's breakfast was what we always ate when we travelled. We all travelled by cars most of the time, except for one or two times. That's because my parents were always low on cash and shipping five of us (if you include my older brother) anywhere was always hectic. Not to mention that my younger brother tended to talk alot on airplanes, and I guess I was the same way sometimes. (On the last time we flew, there was a dog in the area where we were sitting. For the whole 3-hour flight, I meowed in the dog's direction. My dad eventually caught on and got pissed at me.) We haven't driven anywhere together in nearly a year.
Oh yeah, by the way, how are you? (If you are not this person, then you can reply, anyway.)
I'm sure some of you have read about electricbiscuit.com offering space to me. In the end, I did not take it because I didn't want to have a split between Tripod and eb.com. And She and I are talking about getting our own domain (Not through Network Solutions, upon Matt's request) as soon as we scrape together the money needed to buy one. So, ahem, I didn't take the offer in the end.
And thus far, I am the youngest "bloggee" (If that is the correct terminology) out there-- or, at least, that has stumbled upon my space. If you were born after April 1, 1985, then this is your chance to prove me wrong. (Yes, I am an April Fools baby. Don't let it get to your head.) 20000719
18:23;
I jumped on the bandwagon of "24 Facts About Me" and answered it myself in .txt format so you can find out more about me. I guess. Or just to "fit in" more.
As you can see, I did another layout. (Even if you read this months later, you will still probably see that it is indeed ANOTHER new layout. I guess it's like that sometimes.) I live a boring life. When it gets back into the "school" mode, then I promise you that there will be fewer and fewer new layouts. And, along with that, fewer writings. Or more in-depth ones. I don't know quite yet what will become of this page. Or how much longer I can stand those popups that Tripod forces upon you. Oooh, how they make me angry at Tripod. But, thus, I have the guts (and the lack of cash) to be hosted at Tripod. It takes a lot to succumb to these ugly popups.
So, what have I done today besides put up this gorgeous design? I've talked to Patsy on the phone (Who was watching Hackers deafening-loud), defragged this slow computer, and watching 2xy.org and eb.com for the next update. Oh yeah, and going back to my roots of listening to Janet Jackson and downloading a few well-known Prodigy songs ("Smack My Bitch Up", "Firestarter", etc.), which currently makes my Napster-induced MP3 collection reach up to 69 (Yeah, 69.) songs. Including "Bye Bye Bye" by N Sync, which I use for the sole purpose of watching my younger brother dance around to it. Really. No joke.
Oh, and by the way, howdy to you, too.
Someone got to my website by looking up "anorexia is cool" on Google. Awhile ago, I got one that was something like "Natalie coffee" or something, and it got referred to my first entry.
At this instant, I realize I did the permanent logging wrong. I'm too lazy to fix it. 20000718
18:18;
Getting a facial has caused me to go into this huge trance. At first, I was kind of bothered by the cold facemasks she was putting on my face and all, but when she finally got the second facemask off me (the last one), she put lotion on my face and on my ears and all and it felt really comforting at that moment. Like, I could fall asleep there and then and not worry about much. But I had to get up. My mom (who got the massage) was out of her room in a few minutes. She got her stuff together and we left to go home.
For some odd reason, my hair dye today seems to be more... prodominant. My whole head looks like the top of a carrot. Or, at least, I think so.
I'm getting some of my artwork back today. When my last art-teacher's daughter (who was also a friend of mine) called me up, she said she was going to drop off the piece. I had submitted nearly six or seven pieces. Maybe it was just an error on her part. So, she and my ex-art-teacher are expected to swing by anytime soon and hand me my artwork. I might go back to the classes next week on Mondays. Or I'll try to. I need to scrape together $12.50 to attend one class. You know, just to re-feel the times when I did go to art and we all had interesting times rummaging through everything that the teacher had to offer in her little building.
My older brother is coming home tomorrow evening. My cousins are coming into town next week just for an overnight thing. I haven't seen them for nearly a year, so it's going to be a weird experience seeing them all again. The oldest is 24 or 26, and the youngest (that's coming) is 18. 19. Something. I was closer to the elder one. Maybe it's a feministic thing. (The 18/19 year old is a male.) I don't know.
I'm so tired.
13:30;
If life is a cigarette, smoke til the end...
I have that new Britney Spears song/video running through my head on repeat. The song's called "Lucky", and it's actually has more "big girl" lyrics than some of her other songs. While, believe me, is a high compliment on my part. I guess. I'm not really making sense right now because I have way too many things going through my head.
I'm going to get an hour-long facial today around 2:00 or 2:30. If you've seen my face recently (which I'm sure you haven't), it's really breaking out. And my eyebrows need to be fixed a little bit, because they're kind of moving in all directions at the moment. I just need to lay down for an hour and let someone put hot towels on my face.
I read something on Fairvue (outdated, I guess) about Natalie is the youngest weblogger out there. She was born in late 1984. I was born in 1985. Is there anyone else who was born in 1985 that "blogs"? Please write to me if you do, with your birthday and blog information and stuff. I'm curious. 20000717
23:17;
cut up glass bottle
overflowing with pain
black nail polish smooths it over
dark and running
like I used to be
black nail polish bleeding today
- Patsy Nova
12:00;
![my hair; the darker hair is natural, the lighter [on the right] was dyed yesterday](https://dulled.tripod.com/11.jpg)
11:32;
A few days ago, I was going through Yahoo! Internet Life when I saw an article about mattl.com's lawsuit with mattel.com. At this point, I was giddy. And, at this point, I wanted publicity. I sent the scan as an attachment to Matt himself, and then I sent one to Evan Williams. After I sent the copy to Evan, I thought, "Why did I do that?" I later brushed it off to getting publicity (Evan posting on his website, linking to me = visitors, or Evan posting on Blogger, linking to me = visitors, I guess) and felt extremely guilty. Especially since nothing on my part came out of it. I feel like a geek, dork, nerd, etc, for that reason. And not in the good way.
I put highlights in my hair last night. And, my god, the dye sucks so badly. My hair never gave me a problem before, and all of a sudden after I dye my hair it's like a big clump. I'm trying to fix it. I might end up wearing my hair in a ponytail for awhile. Lucky me. (I'll try to get pictures soon.) 20000716
22:18;
Me = Dork.
(I'll explain tomorrow.)
17:49;
I got a new friend today. He's two or three inches long, an inch or two high. It's a stuffed deer that I got from Wal*Mart while on my journey with Patsy around the area. In a time of two or three hours, we found roughly seven phones, but knew others nearby where we did not reach. Which is a shame. I've sent them, but nothing has yet to come from it. I guess it takes a few days, like every other thing on the Internet does.
So now I'm relaxing by listening to "Jessie's Girl" (Rick Springfield) and visiting my webring neighbors while also re-reading (for the third time today) the article on N Sync (link courtesy of Mr Jack Saturn.) that I somehow related to at one point. Yes, I admit it: I WAS an N Sync fan, particularly eyeing Lance. The one day that changed my obsession to "just browsing" was when he appeared in a ZoogDisney chat which I had gone through an hour-long hassle to sign up for. I just... gave up. I guess. And yet everyone still bugs me about it all. The only song of theirs that I think it (still) worth it is "I Drive Myself Crazy". Yeah. That took a lot to admit.
My cat, Carmen, is meowing a lot lately. A half-hour ago, I picked her up and started petting her. She started purring like mad. Then I brought her to the computer, and she ran off. I guess she's trying to get me away from the computer, I guess. In a sense, it's working.
I've been looking up information on electric chairs a lot lately. Lots of the stuff about it is really fascinating to me. As for the "death penalty" ordeal itself, I don't know where I stand on it. Especially with this Texas death penalty thing going around. |
