I hate being forced to do things that I don't have the happiness and joy to do. After the wreck, I was traumatized. It's just a weird flub that went through my mind. He was supposed to come home with me on the bus, but His mother didn't want Him over here. Understandable, I'm a "bitchy" person to be around, anyway. There was this party that I was supposed to be at last night. I was crying from the moment I got home. Around 5:30, my parents go to this parade out on the beach. At 5:45, He unsuspectedly shows up. Then, at 6:15, I get a phone call.
It was Her. She found out about this page. (I'm still not censoring anything. After all, She was the one that sent an e-mail with the line: "TRUST YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU THINK FOR ONCE".) She starts going off at me, saying I should go because I really need it in my life or whatnot. I start crying on the phone, then I get a beep. Damn callwaiting. Anyway, it's His dad. At this point, I crumble to the floor and yell obscenities that the neighbors probably heard. When I get Her back on the phone, I say that I'll go, then I hang up. The next few minutes that proceed were a mix of screams, door-slams, and everything. He called His mom to pick him up, and She came to get me. I wasn't in the happy-cheery mood all evening, when I knew I should've been. But, anyway, an ex bestfriend of mine was there, and we talked for awhile. Since my parents didn't know I was out, I decided that I should continuously call. So I did. After awhile of being there, I felt sick. Stomachpains, usually. Probably because I hadn't eaten in two days. So I called Him up and had plans for Him to pick me up around 9:30 pm. My ex bestfriend was leaving at 8:00, 8:15, so I decided to catch a ride with her. When I got home, I finally ate for once, and sat around.
I really wish I had control over my life.
I experienced another car accident a few moments ago. An oncoming bus stopped and the car behind it stopped (It was a bus stop) and skid a bit. The car behind that skidding and hit the car in front of it. Which, of course, caused an accident between Car 1 and Car 2. Of course, Bus was gone. So our bus stopped, because Car 1's driver was having heart problems. People behind me were talking, and I started screaming, "Shut the fuck up, okay?!" We left after ten minutes, when a policeman came.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to cry.
I have yet to start reading Foxfire, for some commonground reasons I guess. One, I haven't had the pure moment where I wanted to read anything of any sort. And, two, I have a full 7 hours of sitting in classrooms as teachers fill out their final reports.
The last day of school has arrived.
I haven't had healthy eating habits since Lucifer left me. That was a week ago... I have been eating, but not really that often. That's because I'm not really cheery in the morning without dear Lucifer sitting there watching me. I think my Brother ran into his web. Yeah, I'd leave too if an overweight Bear ran into my house. Horatio is still in the bathroom, and he wakes up every morning (I think he wakes up... that is, if he isn't already awake.) to my naked body washed in a fuzz of soap.
I bought a book at the new Barnes and Noble, Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang, and a frappachino of sorts. I have Bram Van 3000 in my head, and I really want to add The Fuck Up to my personal reading list. (Patsy's parents took us, so I doubt they'd enjoy me bringing home a book called The Fuck Up. Nor would my parents.) And I feel the desperate urge to watch one of the best movies of all time (In my opinion), The Net. Think I used enough links?
My new hero: Rory Cochrane.
Love Joyride (Patsy Nova)
we never seem to fit
these lips have been on someone else
you dont know the feeling that I get
leaving it behind
to see you gone
must I cry
teared stained pillows never dry
I need to get off
of this love joyride
i want to open you up
spill your insides out on the floor
I never was much
I always wanted to be more
and now I walk away
pretending I will stay
just another night with you
I never wanted to
I never wanted to
I never wanted you just another night
one more wasted cry
tear stained pillows never dry
i need to get off
of this love joyride
It was 2:55, 3:00, when I felt infinite. I was listening to "Spiderwebs" on my tape player, and it was raining outside like there was no tomorrow. The bus' interior lights were on, which somewhat gave a beautiful yellow glow to everyone's face. It was almost dead quiet on the bus, except for the hum of the broken speaker system. Everyone was looking out the windows, watching the drops go down the panes. They all had their heads rested on each other, speaking low and soft to the person next to them. It was fantastic, because at the height of the song we went over a bridge, and you could see the water underneath sparking up in the air... so amazing.
I really wish I was linked.